He's not my father...

Today was going to be a good day...I was going to finish the next chapter of Super Chu...I was going to announce something big that I've been working on...but something has come up...something that I can't ignore...and it's time I spoke up about it...All of you need to know...I'm reaching out to you, more desperately than ever before with tears in my eyes...

I've talked about my father before...but as deep as you may think I've talked about my father...I haven't told you the full story...If you already feel bad for me for what I've told you I put up with, reading this may horrify you, and you'll immediately want to adopt me...With that being said...let's begin...

I told you that my sister had something traumatic happen to her when she was my age. But I didn't say what. And I still won't. You'll have to note me if you want to know because I'm not going public with it. But I'll tell you about the aftermath. Someone did something cruel to her and my father claimed that it was her fault. Blaming the victim of a crime is never alright.

But regardless, around this time is when my sister started her path into the poor decisions she's made that I've told you about in the past. She didn't know how to cope with what that person did to her and was struggling trying to get by on her own...We found out she had bipolar and my father being my father, he rushed to doctors screaming at them to put her on like twelve different drugs, and refused to let them change anything to them without his consent.

This nearly put my sister on death's door. And he wouldn't let her stop. So she refused to take her crap. Eventually one thing lead to another and the one night I dread to relive more than anything happened. The night my sister got caught having sex in her room. That was her f*ck up. And my father had a right to be mad...but...well...

My sister was completely naked from head to toe, and he was staring at her...the entire time...and he wouldn't let her put clothes on...Beyond that he's looked at her in very inappropriate ways that no father ever should. His own daughter. He's starved her so that he can look at her, and called her a fat whore. He'd never actually harm her the way this implies, but it's NOT okay! His own flesh and blood. He won't let her wear pajamas in our own house, and claimed that jeans and a long sleeve shirt were revealing.

Beyond that, as much as he denies it, he has gotten physical with both of us. I've been slapped by him multiple times. He takes out all his frustration towards my sister on me. How is that fair..? My sister herself has said that I'm the good kid and I never step out of line. But anytime I get upset at anything, I can be playing a video game and groan because I died, and he'll freak out. He'll stop everything he was doing and go into uber panic mode. He'll put me down and scream at me for no fucking reason...How is that fair to me? Why do I get abused, put down and yelled at because of my sister? Am I really that bad?

He gets this behavior from his father who has been dead for about ten years now. His whole family is a mess. All Maxwell men have a dangerously high sense of anger stored inside them.

His father beat him often and eventually he and my grandmother got divorced. My father was an only child and as such he got everything he wanted even though she was rarely home. He didn't have anyone to look after other than himself. He was a spoiled brat. His father all the way to his great grandfather were incredibly racist. So I have no clue how he managed to marry my mother, or why she said yes.

He's grown up thinking that he own's the world and everyone needs to bow down to him hands and feet. When anything doesn't go his way he makes it the end of the world and he makes abusive decisions. He calls it being a parent. But it's not. Scolding someone who ran away and got hurt as a result of it when they get home is being a parent. What he did to me isn't.

I was FUCKING DYING! I couldn't go to school for three to four weeks, as I was sick with multiple things. First I had the flu and I couldn't leave bed. I was going through a mental breakdown the next week and the slightest stressor could have sent me to the hospital. I could have killed myself. But he didn't care. Then I caught a cold. Not that big a deal, but it was pretty bad. Since I had missed a lot of school at the time I went in to sort stuff out when I actually came back and said I would go back that Wednesday. But as most of you know, that day I was sent to go back I caught strep throat. There was no way I could go to school, and I tried to tell him that if I went, I would just be sent home and would waste an hour of work for them.

He didn't listen and declared he would only accept me going to school and it didn't matter if I had a temperature of 120 degrees. I was going to school. He forced me out of bed and into the shower. As I tried to take a shower, I FUCKING COLLAPSED! And I told him. You know what his exact words were? "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! GET YOUR CRAP TOGETHER, TAKE A SHOWER AND GO TO SCHOOL OR GO TO A HOSPITAL!"

Unfucking believeable...absolutely disgusting. I took the coldest shower I've ever had, as I was too weak to change the temp. I went with my mom to school and I vented. She lost it and screamed at me. The pressure was too much for me and I threatened suicide. I went to the hospital as a result and there, we found out I WAS sick and I had strep throat. I would have been out of there as soon as that was determined, but as I had threatened suicide I spent five hours there till they decided I could leave.

As expected my father didn't care, and claimed that I had been defiant and disrespectful. That I had to be put in check and learn to behave. He was the adult, and I'm the "child" as such, I had to do everything he told me to do without question...EVERYTHING...That's a thinking error for two reasons. I may legally be a minor, but I'm NOT a child. Secondly, I don't have to do EVERYTHING he says. I have to obey when he's making  a parental decision, yes. But I don't have to break the law if he tells me to, and I'm NOT going to go to school and get other people sick if I'm sick.

That day he'd come to the conclusion that I was a juvenile delinquent who does nothing but sit on their ass playing video games all day despite the fact that I hadn't picked up a controller since a week before I went to the hospital and he made the decision. Unbelieveable.

So I'm sick as hell, and I'm unable to go anywhere or do anything and he decides, "Imma take away the only thing that keeps you sane, so you get in even more trouble and act up. And I'm going to keep them away until further notice." What the actual hell?! If I messed up and did something uncalled for, then yes, go right ahead and ground me. But I did nothing fucking wrong at all. My immune system is crap and I was sick for four weeks. HOW IS THAT MY FAULT?! HOW IS THAT DISOBEYING AND BEING DEFIANT?! HOW IS THAT BEING A FUCKING DELINQUENT?! And he decides to take all of my crap. The hilarious thing about that is, I wasn't playing my video games anyway and didn't notice until 3 days later. THAT ALONE SHOULD INSTANTLY TELL YOU HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HE'S TALKING ABOUT! I don't even want to say what he did the day after I was diagnosed with strep. It's not terrible per say, but it's personal and messed up.

He is incredibly manipulative and refuses to listen to anyone except maybe two people. He twists the situation and tells them his story refusing to let anyone have a voice, and when we give our piece, they don't listen to us. He does this to everyone and makes us seem like the bad guys. That's just evil...

I've found out via my sister that he's been fighting with my mom a lot...I feel so bad for my mom...She's been putting up with his behavior for over twenty years...and she has the guts to stick with him...Things got so bad a couple years ago that they were considering divorce...But they didn't want to repeat my grandmother's actions, and he knew that because of how he is, that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE would be legally put in my mother's care. And being the sick, abusive, power hungry bastard that he is, he stayed with her so he would have someone to torment...

How sick can you get? ...Poor mom...just the other day they got into a fight and he freaked out cause he was looking for something and  because he couldn't find it he blamed her. Her exact words were, "I'm sorry it's hard for someone to help you when you're bitching at them all the damn time!"

My reaction was horrific. In my entire life, I've heard my mom swear, ONCE! SHE DOES NOT CUSS! She rarely get mad period! But I've heard from my sister that she's been cursing a lot this year. This has been the most stressful year of my life. And it's gotten to my poor mother as well...It's sad...Now I don't wanna take away from the seriousness of the situation because every word I've said is one hundred percent true. But I couldn't help but feel extremely excited when she said that. My mom never speaks up unless someone screws up royally. I love that about her.

But for her to swear directly in my dad's face, TWICE, gave me a lot of hope, and I wanted to praise her. But my father didn't get the message...in fact he didn't care at all...his immediate actions were to bitch at her more...unfucking believable...she left eventually to go to a therapy appointment and he went to my sister asking for her and when she told him she wasn't there, he called her and demanded that she come home. She was pretty far away...and she did...and he bitched some more...She asked in an angry tone if she should cancel her appointment. But she didn't. She grabbed her laptop and left. She didn't come home till about 10:30 and she left at 4:30ish...that's really sad...

Hannah and I were talking about all of these things today and both of us burst into tears...I said this before, I'll say it again...He may be my father by blood...but he's not my dad...I don't even know if I can call him my father anymore after learning about all of what I did today...This is the last straw...If he doesn't clean up his act, the next time he steps out of line I'm going to have him sent to prison. Or at the very least persuade my mom to file for divorce...Their offspring is begging for divorce...how sad can you get? You literally can't get any more depressing than that...I thought I was already dead on the inside...apparently you can die twice cause I died today...

I can't take any more of this...if it continues you'll notice...because I'll have disappeared from DA. And you know why...I want to love him...he does treat people with love under the right circumstances, and he has made the right decisions, and treated me and my family with love...Under the right circumstances...And in times of peace when nothing is wrong...But only then...He's a cruel man and is unfit to be a parent...

He is cruel, abusive, and unfeeling. He doesn't deserve to live with us...he's a terrible father...Nothing would please me more than to see him learn how to be a parent the right way...I want to love him...I try to love him...but I can't...

If you'll excuse me I'm going to go back to bawling my eyes out...I love you guys...thanks for listening to dorky old me...I'm a pitiful mess...I don't deserve any of you...I don't know why you put up with me...but I am grateful you do...Thank you for you time...from the bottom of my heart...I love you...I still plan on posting the next chapter of Super Chu today...See you guys then...