Hey guys...I'm not sure if I can to say the whole story off the top of my head, due to my brain being fuzzy/tired. But my father crossed another line...To make sure you see this,
...I need you guys to understand something...It's nice to hear you guys say I'm an awesome friend and that I mean so much to you, and from Nicholas and Lauren, that I saved your relationship...but what's really important is that you guys have literally saved my life...I need you to know that...I love you guys so much...Thank you for sticking with me...You have saved me from myself...\
If it weren't for you I'd be dead right now...And I need your support again....
My father crossed another line today..once again overreacting and flying off the handle. And there was actually a moment when my mother did too. He didn't do anything too extreme this time around...But he was stubborn, hateful, and angry as he usually is. He was actually about to hit me at multiple points, but the situations defused themselves.
A while back he finally took some responsibility for his mistake the night my sister...well, ya know. But recently, he's ignored every word he said, went back on his apology, and went right back to his old mindset of, "I know everything. You know nothing. I'm always right. Everyone else is wrong. I need to be the most powerful, person in this house and no one else can every say anything."
Sigh...the guys delusional...he thinks he's royalty or something and we all need to be bowing hands and feet to him. He's physically been starving me for the past few weeks and I've hardly eaten anything in said time frame...In fact I've been so starved that my special ed counselor at school said that I clearly lost weight...yeah it's barely been over three weeks since I saw her last...what exactly does that tell you?
It was noticeable, and it wasn't even a full month...guess that's what happens when you only get one full meal a week and spend the rest of it trying to find the smallest scraps of available food in the house...
That's how bad this is guys...I've been living off one full meal and scraps WEEK...A WEEK! That's not by choice either.
The fact that I've NOTICEABLY lost weight, without the use of a scale in less than a month says a lot...My father is naturally attracted to people like him, and they're the only people he ever listens to. He doesn't listen to my mom, he doesn't listen to me, he doesn't listen to my sister, or anyone.
His excuse for the food situation, "You're a picky eater" ...Really? I am the easiest person to buy food for on the planet. But I can't eat rotten food or food I'm allergic/intolerant to. Common f*cking sense. I'm not about to die from illness.
He's always cutting me off whenever I say anything at all, always threatening me, always guilt tripping me over my neurological issues, claiming that they're "my fault" and I need to change them...and get this. This'll make you laugh. He used to work in a hospital where he worked with special needs people all the time. HA!
That is the most real hysterical laugh I've ever had in my life. I'm sorry but you worked with these people for a living and yet you claim that they're our fault and we need to change our very brains?
This is some Autism Speaks BS coming out of his mouth right now...He claims he's an expert and yet he doesn't understand basic things like the fact that I was freaking born this way and there's no physically possible way to fix my neurological issues. I've had them since birth retard...Expert my a**.
I literally broke down crying today and it was ridiculous cause instead of backing off he continued to mock my pain and directly insult me...this guy is pure evil...In fact, the situation with my sister is entirely his fault too!
Something really bad happened to her, and instead of supporting her, he attacked her verbally, claiming it was her fault, and she should feel ashamed of herself and other BS. When your parents don't support you and manipulate doctors, and your brother is too young to understand, who else do you have to go to? Friends and significant other.
Her having sex wasn't her stepping out of line or being slutty/a pest. It was a desperate plea for help...I can't believe it's taken me nearly 5 years to understand that...And he still doesn't understand that.
Every time he has an eye opening realization, he retracts himself and goes, oh wait, that's not true, and I was right because I'm always right.
And that literally happened as soon as he "realized" the truth about that night.
I told you guys he apologized for it, but today he went back on his word...like he's done literally a hundred times before...Enough is enough. If you're going to be abusive, threaten me, call my sister a whore, call my brain functions my own fault, hit my sister, starve me, frequently insult my sister, refuse to listen to your own wife, and reach the point of narcissism and dictatorship, that you believe you're a king, then it's time for you to go.
And get this. My mother is starting to agree with me.
It looks like he's finally going to leave. ANd if he doesn't want to go,
I don't care.
He's cruel and abusive, just look at my other journal entries and you'll see what I mean. This was just a tip of the iceberg. Today was the last straw.
If you're going to retract an apology, threaten, AND starve me, then leave. I don't ever want to see you again. You're pure evil...I literally broke down crying three times, and you didn't care.
You mock my pain, hurt my sister regularly, hurt my mother, and me. Get out of my life. File your stupid divorce papers already and go.
Sigh...I really hate that man...I've literally lost about ten or more pounds since BEFORE thanksgiving...LOST weight, not gained. Unbelievable.
Do you guys see?! Do you see the BS I go through every day of my life?! I'm literally dying over here. This lack of food is killing me, this emotional damage is physically wounding me, and this stress is making me shut down.
Today was the last straw. Enough is enough and he's got to go. I don't want to so much as look at him for a year, and I already stopped calling him my dad, now I'm gonna stop calling him my father. I'm going to address him by name from now on, if I ever talk about him again.
I'm unbelievably furious with him. He's got to go, and I actually think he is going. That is the best news I've had all year. I laid down an ultimatum today. It's him or me. And my mom isn't about to let me live in foster care or in the streets. So he's going.
I'm not sure how to describe my feelings right now, cause I'm feeling a lot of things.
I'm hurt, I'm in pain all around, I'm furious, I'm depressed, and yet I'm also kinda thrilled. My father crossed the final line, and we had a huge fight. That hurt me. And at the same time, I think I'm finally getting results...I think he's finally leaving...
Heh...Funny...He forced my sister to go to a prison/hospital over Christmas in 2013...It's somewhat poetic that he should leave over Christmas. Karma is a dish best served cold...
...Thank you guys...I'm so upset right now, and I was crying a while ago...my voice is shot, I'm actually sick right now, my father hates me...I don't have much going for me...but you guys are typically there for me...thank you...I love you...You guys have saved me from my own emotions...If it weren't for you, I'd be dead...
You guys don't even know what you've done for me...